Re-write and Edit: Admissions Essay

Re-write and Edit: Admissions Essay: 650-word limit  Please re-write and edit, while keeping the basis of the first and last paragraphs…

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Re-write and Edit: Admissions Essay

Paper details

650-word limit  Please re-write and edit, while keeping the basis of the first and last paragraphs. Trying to show what he has learned without overstating accomplishments and at a higher entertaining standard

650 word limit  Please re-write to make logical/entertaining for admissions  Keep theme or first and last paragraphs. Trying to avoid accomplishments but want them to be part somehow

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Solution

Admission Essay

It was getting late at the University of North Carolina stadium following a baseball game. As darkness filled the stadium and sirens continued blaring for several hours, I stood in one position to prevent security guards from catching me.

Fortunately, I managed to scale the 8 feet wall with my hard-earned baseball in my hand. It was number 44 of what would then be a 98-college baseball collection and a step forward in the lifelong commitment to baseball. As an eighth grader, I knew little about my future accomplishments, personal growth, and the irony of my baseball collection and life.

As a child of entrepreneurs, I was in a world of numbers, figures, and concepts. My parents emphasized the idea of execution and reinvesting, given that they rarely separate their business and private lives. In competitive sports, I learned to apply similar interests in player statistics and compensation through sabermetrics, the statistical analysis of baseball records.

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The statistical influence motivates me to take innovative approaches and attain better outcomes for my team and my career trajectory. The approach aligns with the beliefs and systems in place at Pacific and in a business class. Through this, I look forward to playing at Pacific as I take a business major.

In my high school freshman year, I was elected as my team’s captain as I mostly hit doubles and triples. Moreover, I had the highest velocity and pitch command, contributing to my position. Unfortunately, the COVID pandemic occurred the following year, hindering baseball in California. While I could not attend my games, my parents enrolled me in IMG preparatory high school in Florida, believing it would develop my growth and autonomy.

The institution presented new challenges for me as it felt more like a college than a high school. My desire for athletic and personal development was more potent than the fear of the new institution. To adapt, I learned to work collaboratively with other individuals with unique talents and personalities. I also developed the habit of setting goals and targets and working to achieve them through consistent effort and commitment to honing my skills.

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Living at least 2000 miles away from my parents and friends, I had to adapt to the new environment. One of the main challenges in IMG was to stay focused regardless of my coach’s open negative feedback. Ironically, he selected me for the Gatorade award of that season, which is given to the best all-around player and teammate. In my second year, I was chosen for the National 2 team as a starting closer and later joined the prestigious National Team as a closer. Fortunately, we finished fifth place nationally, and I received the IMG Most Improved Pitcher Award.

Apart from athletics, I also learned better time management, finishing my assignments on time, eating at designated times, and ways I can positively impact my community. I made new relationships with people with different backgrounds and learned to engage with people with different life perspectives. My romantic relationship also taught me to be more vulnerable and accommodating.

Moreover, with support from my coaches and teammates, I improved my pitching craft mentally and physically. The experiences instilled in me the need to commit, be accountable and work consistently and collaboratively to achieve better outcomes in all my engagements.

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While selecting a college program, I chose the University of the Pacific from several prestigious others because its systems and beliefs align with my approach to life, business, and baseball. I believe I am a valuable addition to the baseball team and will positively impact the team and the community. Besides, through the business major, I aim to improve my competence and capacity to offer innovative solutions to the problems that affect our communities.

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